NO U-TURN !

About a year ago, my then 86 y/o mother said to me in disbelief, “My God, I’m looking like U-turn Mary!”  I said, “WWhhat did you say??  A bit louder she said, “Yes! U-turn Mary!! Now in complete frustration,  “I canNOT believe I’ve become U-turn Mary!!!,,,oh, that poor old lady!” Still, I had no ideaR what she was talking about.

About two months earlier, she had hurt her back doing yard work.  I was unaware because she doesn’t like to “bother” me and didn’t this time either.

Nurse Kate got the call on her BatPhone from Sargeant Jerry.  He doesn’t call me often, so when I see his name on caller ID, it’s like the Bat phone lighting up.  I know it’s not good.  “You better get down here, Mom’s CRYING!”  Jerry and I don’t need to say much, we just know.  (Btw, as the self proclaimed Rose among 4 thorns named Billy, Timmy, Jerry, and Neil,  Jerry’s the closest I have to a real live sister! I’ve even told him this!! His response was,,,, Well, I really can’t repeat what he said, but rest assured it was filled with brotherly love. Not!)

Anywho, Mom ended up being diagnosed with compression fractures in her lower vertebrae.  Her pain was excruciating!  You see, my mother never, ever complains. Ok, maybe she does, but not about anything that you or I’d complain about, and definitely never of pain.  For instance, she might complain when “one of those damn Republicans win!” (little does she know I switched from Dem->Rep a few years ago. (Big surprise!) Ok, maybe I did tell her, but not my dyed in the Dem. blue wool, father, and don’t you either, it’s Top Secret!) She will definitely complain when the Not so Fighting Irish of Notre Dame lose a football game.  Ok, and yes to lousy weather, but then who doesn’t?  But, but, complain about pain? Nope, she just lives with it.  Believe me, she’s got plenty of it!! She’s riddled (it’s not funny) with arthritis…. For Jerry to see her in tears?!! Yup, I got called.

A compression fracture is exactly what it sounds like. The vertebrae actually collapse, get crushed, crammed, crunched, compressed, squished, squashed, squeezed… Now remember, the vertebrae protect what? The spinal cord: the Biggest Kahuna of all the nerves!  Squish anything and it hurts, right?  Squish the Big Kahuna and it really hurts!!! The initial injury or acute phase is down right excruciating, hence Mom’s tears. In time, the fracture heals over and the pain subsides and yes, the vertebrae are now smaller and you are shorter!!!  They don’t re-inflate! (There is a special cement that can be injected, this was offered, but no way, Jose’ did she want “cement”…)

Was Mom, post healing, now visibly a little shorter?  Ehh, maybe. Was her back even more twisted, hunched over than normal? Yeah… Did she look like U-Turn Mary? Not sure, but are you getting the picture yet?

Finally, she filled me in. Flashback to 1930’s, Mary was a lovely little old lady who answered the door at the Rectory at my mother’s childhood parish in New Haven.  Apparently, Mary was so hunched over, that to a kid, she literally looked like a U-turn!! My mother saw herself now as U-Turn Mary.  Omg, not a good flashback!

I’m sure my mom and her childhood friends shared a few laughs at Mary’s expense.  Karma? I doubt it.   My mother’s a saint and there’s NO U- TURN about it.

Xo, Kate

11/21/17