My Short Fuselage

One lovely characteristic that I’ve inherited and/or learned through osmosis, mitosis or meiosis, that btw, I’m not proud of either, is that of a short FUSE-lage.  Badabing, badaBOOM!!  (Glad KJ-u ain’t related to me.  I understand he’s lighting off fireworks again. I know, not funny.  Can’t just one misfire and take him out?!!)

But I digress.  Yes, even Spankee Candle called me and asked if they could rewrite their directions.  “For safety reasons, please keep your wicks trimmed to a Kate Dunn Scott level.”  Sadly, my entire family, both sides, and yes, some close friends, too, would understand.

My youngest brother Cornelius, aka Corny, or Neil Dog Potato Salad (don’t ask), also inherited this same short fuselage.  His claim to fame, way back when, was busting badminton rackets while playing the game.  (I’m laughing just thinking about it!) Luckily, he has grown out of this and is a now a remarkedly patient person, either that or he deserves a few Oscars.  Although, come to think of it, I havent seen him play badminton in a long time!!!

When I feel myself Going Tesla (0-60 in 1.9 seconds) the good thing is, I know it.  Some days it’s just easier to hit the breaks than others.  Which is a great “Segway” into another character trait that greatly enhances my warm and fuzzy personality.   I’m referring to that frequently used psychiatric term: “pasteurized aggressiveness.”  I sterilize before I verbalize!  Okay,  that’s a lie, I don’t sterilize anything…I’m so honest, I’m my own worst enemy and act like a jerk in the process.  Just ask the insurance lady who stopped by my husband’s office today trying to avert a yuge crisis.  Mind you, I knew nothing, zero, nadda about any insurance problemos until my phone rang at home. ‘Tis not good for us Tesla types!

Ring, ring…. Caller ID: My hubby.  Awwww, he must be calling to tell me he loves me….ok, no he’s not.

Joe: “Hi, yeah ah, our insurance sucks!! They’re not processing any more claims. We’re changing it and the new one is gonna cost the company twice as much!!”

Kate: “What? Why? What are you talking about? … Wait, Joe, I have MD appointment tomorrow and a mammogram for Friday.”

Joe: “Well, you might have to change them. There’s a lady here helping us.  Here, I’ll put her on.”

Kate: “Wait, …Joe!”

Nice Lady: “Hello, my name is ____, What questions do you have?”

Kate: “What questions do I have? What the hell is going on?!!”

Yes, I said “hell”…. then potty mouth here back tracked …. omg… short fuselage/non-pasteurized aggression!!!! Stop it, Kate!!  Breaks, put on the verbal breaks!! Not her fault. Not her fault.

In Joe’s defense, the word lull is non-existent in his day. There are a grand total of -900 extra minutes for him to put out insurance “fires”, solve HR problems and/or explain things to said lovely wife!  Oh, the joys of owning your own small company.  (Tax breaks? You betcha! Bring ’em on, Thx, Donald!)

Any-who, Nice Lady helped explain what indeed was going on, which was much more involved than originally thought. Let’s just she said the words lawyers and “Sovereign Nation” in the same sentence.  And no, Joe doesn’t own PHOXwoods.

I apologized for my rudeness and decided that my Tesla personality was secondary to being hangry (hungry + angry).  My Tesla just needed a little recharging.  I woofed down a little sangwich and felt a bit more humane, even thought of playing a little badminton.

Hello, Neil?

Xo, Kate  11/28/17….

“I really think the psych world needs to invert those words to aggressive, passive. That makes more sense to me….