I’m loving the newly soooooouped up grocery store (the one and only!) in our small town of Portland, CT! (Yes, there is indeed a Portland in CT, too!! Take that Maine and Oregon!) New owners from neighboring state, MA, bought it several months ago, they even changed the name from One-Town to GLAdams, but you know, no one that lives here in Portland will ever call it by its new name, ever! Even giving directions will go like this: “Take a left into the parking lot where One-Town used to be…”
After many weeks of construction and a lot of do re mi $pent, they transformed our little redneck store into our own mini “Whole Paycheck” kind of experience. Okay, maybe not that extreme, but I’m totally impressed with it, although the aisles got narrower and the carts got smaller. What’s up with that?
Yesterday I found myself wandering slowly (a They aisle new everything into MOVED almost!!! Marketing ploy? A big fat YES!) around the aisles, singing to the piped in Christmas Carols. Was I in Heaven? Did I fall for their marketing ploy? Two big fat YESses! “Where the heck are the eggs?” I even sang a little harmony here and there, and was just waiting, bring it on, bring it on, “Oh, Tannenbaum” come on, sing it in German!! I was ready !! Anything to NOT sing One-Town’s piped in ONE and ONLY commercial!! If I heard that Rasta-Vita commercial one more time……
2pm, a great time to shop, old ladies are already home, slippers are back on and tea water is boiling. Young moms finished their shopping hours ago and they’re at home checking their FB, (In my day, we napped!) waiting for the bus to drop off their melting, germ ridden, angels. Exhausted, working outside of the home moms, are watching the clock, trying to come up with what to make for dinner. Only a few nice elderly men are shopping beside me. They push relatively empty carts, probably just holding on for balance. Their canes stick out of the cart and manage to clear off stacked boxes of corn muffins, etc, at the turn. They smile and nod, saying “hello.” Ahhh, The Greatest Generation of gentleman, I think I was born too late. I’m really an old soul, NOT OLD, just an old soul. “After you!” “Why, thank you.” Open my door? Love it. Burn my bra? Never! As it was, I thought I was the last girl in 6th grade to FINALLY get one!! Mom: “Hey, Dad, guess what I bought Katie today?” Me: “SPEEEECHLESS?!!!” Timmy and Billy: “HAAAAAAAAAAA!” But I digress, nowadays, I can’t wait to get home to take it off!!! I mean, just my bra, you, you, dirty old men…Hey, maybe those nice elderly men in GLAdams are ….no…they couldn’t be….hitting on me?! Don’t flatter yourself, Kate. Remember, they can’t see a freakingfanelli thing!!!
I finally finish my shopping and head up to the checkout lanes. There’s hardly anyone in line, but I still use my keen assessment skills to see who’s doing the checker-outing….Do I recognize any of them? That kid looks way too young, probably his first day at the register. Nope, not going to him. Is there someone to bag? Is this going to take 5 minutes or 20? Come on, you know we all do this…GLAdams, geniuses that they are, have even added a second express lane, but at this 2pm lull, there wasn’t a checker-outer standing at either one. (Their lights were on, but no one was home!! I mean no one was working them!) Hmmmm, decisions, do I now go into the first real lane, which, in One-Town days was usually saved for express if no one was working the specific express lane? I think, well, I’m not sure, but I’m willing to take that risk and start unloading my cart. Then it happens, a tall, cranky looking, middle-aged man holding only a basket steps up rightbehindmycart and gives me the “you’re really emptying all those groceries in the express aisle” look…..I pause, kick in my acting skills and politely ask my young pretty checker-outer gal, “Oh dear, is this express aisle?” Nice young checker-outer gal tells me, “No, you’re fine.” Which then gives me the go ahead to give Mr. tall cranky pants behind me, the obligatory return look and say with my eyes, “Nice try buckoo, you heard her! Not my fault no-one’s- working-express-checker-outer-lanes!” Maybe I should’ve gone into acting! Although, then I’m reminded of that all too famous line, “You have a face for radio!”
Finally, nice young checker-outer gal says, “Mam, you can leave the waters in your cart, you don’t have to lift them.” “Oh, okay, thanks!” In my mind I’m thinking, “Ok, honey, I wasn’t planning on it!” She totals it all up and I look up at the screen and for the first time in my adult life, I gasp in quiet disbelief. I’m 100% shocked and simultaneously, 100% insulted!! She thinks I’m a senior and gives me a senior discount!!!! HOLY, HOLY, do I look that OLDLY? Come on acting skills, where are you now?! Instantaneously, my pennycounting mother-in-law (GRHS🙏🏻) shows up in my head saying, “Are you nuts? Take the discount!!!” Quickly, my 100% insulted turns into an 80% insulted: 20% delighted! I’ll take the $5.00 off!! Although, as I’m pushing my cart out the door, I think, maybe they should change their name to MADAMs.
Next trip and probably next blog: Do or don’t I ask for a senior discount?
Easy peasy……NO freakingfanelli way!
Xo, Kate 12/15/17
Kate’s Flight of Ideas 